A Gentle Betrayal
All I wanted was a miracle
(This post was originally published on my Substack, pameladellpalmer.substack.com on April 4, 2026)
I’ve come to believe that humanity is entering an era where what we used to think of as miracles will become commonplace. Not because some outside, or higher, force takes pity on us and waves their magic wand, but because we, as individuals, are raising our vibration out of the heavy third dimensional density and into the far higher fifth dimension that, while still quite physical, allows us to manifest our desired experiences with far greater ease.
Are we in this time, now? Yes and no. Most of us are still waking up, still untangling ourselves from the lower-vibrational thought patterns of fear, judgement, anger, etc.
Even those who’ve mostly done that work, and are largely vibrating in that fifth dimensional energy, are often finding their ability to manifest sluggish and slow, because the Earth herself has not yet fully transitioned. The environment we’re trying to manifest in is still rather dense.
That’s not to say there aren’t people on Earth who can already regularly manifest miracles. I suspect there are. But I’m not yet one of them, nor do I know any of them personally.
Now, some people do absolutely receive miracles through near death experiences or the like. This is usually because it was part of their soul plan, and always for a much higher purpose.
Take Anita Moorjani, for example, the author of Dying to be Me. She had stage 4 cancer back in 2006, and after a near death experience, went into a sudden and full remission. Her miraculous healing was fully documented by her medical team and her story went viral, launching her career as a powerful spiritual teacher.
Miracles aren’t given to us because we’re nice people. The universe doesn’t reward us for being good, or for saying the right words in the right prayer order. The angels don’t ‘save’ us, if only we beg and plead enough. The angels can’t do it for us. That’s not how any of this works.
Back in 2018, I thought that I should, in theory, be able to manifest my own miracles. I thought it was mostly about belief and focus, and trusting my own inner guidance.
So when I discovered a smallish red spot on my forehead, near my left temple, I was willing to believe the healer friend who told me it was nothing, and would go away on its own.
Now, I’d already had six or seven basal cell carcinoma skin cancers removed, by this point, and logic said this was probably another (despite what my healer friend said). But my gut said listen to my friend, so I followed my powerful connection to inner guidance…right over the cliff.
This wasn’t a case of wishful thinking or misplaced trust. Not at all.
From the moment that I started on this path of awakening and discovery, more than a decade ago, the thing that I have trusted the most was my own intuition. My gut. Basically, how something feels in my body. If it feels good, it’s a yes, or there is, at least, something here for me. If it feels bad, it’s not for me. Period.
I naturally and instinctively run all information and guidance through this body test – whether it’s coming from channeling (my own or others’), signs, oracle cards, mentors, scientists, or teachers of any kind.
It’s a form of discernment that is incredibly helpful to a logical-thinker. Everyone has it, though not everyone knows how to listen. For me, it provides a powerful balance to a strongly logical mind.
It’s because of this ability to recognize divine guidance in all its myriad forms, and to discern not only whether or not it was right for me, but the deeper purpose and meaning, that I was willing to follow that guidance out of my home and marriage in 2017.
Doing that required a massive leap of faith, which was fully justified, as it turned out. A year in, when this spot on my forehead appeared, I’d come to trust in my guides and angels implicitly. They were my constant companions even if I couldn’t see them, or hear them, exactly. They guided me in so many incredible ways.
I trusted them. I trusted them.
Which was why their betrayal hurt so much.
For two and a half years, whenever I felt into whether or not I should seek out my skin cancer doctor the next time I visited my hometown, I got a, “No, let it go. You’re good.” And I listened.
I assumed that it wasn’t skin cancer, but just some kind of blemish that would heal on its own once I figured out all of the pieces of the manifestation puzzle. Or maybe it was a ramping up of my trust in myself and my spiritual team.
I mean, I knew this was a lesson of some kind. Everything in my life, at that point, was a lesson of some kind. But up until then, the lessons had been quite gentle, and I had no reason to believe this one would be any different.
So the spot grew, and I continued to ignore my semi-annual skin check appointment reminders until, finally, by October of 2020, that spot was looking downright gnarly and my logical mind had had enough.
I told my guides, “I’m going to the doctor.” And when I tuned in to their response, I got a, “Yes, go.”
Of course it was a basal cell carcinoma.
If you haven’t had experience with the little buggers, they’re non-malignant, so not inherently dangerous, but they grow, if slowly, so have to be removed. They send out tendrils, so a lot of that growth is beneath the skin, and getting it all can be a challenge.
If you catch them early, and have them removed through Mohs surgery — both of which I highly recommend — the resulting scar is barely visible after a while.
At least this has been my experience.
We, of course, did not catch this one early, and the resulting surgery left me with not only a huge scar, but a scalp tightness and slight numbness in that area that will probably never go away.
At first, I was confused. I blamed myself. How could I have been so foolish? How could I have gotten it all so wrong?
But then I remembered the scores of times over the previous few years that I’d received divine guidance, both subtle and overt, and followed it with amazing results. I spoke the ‘sign language of the universe’ and spoke it well.
I knew I hand’t gotten it wrong. I knew that I’d been following my intuition and spirit’s guidance in not going to the doctor before now. I knew it. Which left only one explanation.
The angels had done this to me intentionally!
My confusion turned to hurt. And then to anger. But what I felt most was betrayed. Brutally betrayed.
I felt like the angels had coaxed me off the cliff, letting me think I could fly, or that they would, at least, catch me. Instead, they let me fall, and just stood there watching as I did so.
My trust in my team in spirit, and in our connection and relationship, shattered.
I told them that I was done, through, that I wanted nothing more to do with them, or with my so-called mission, whatever that was.
For months, I returned to as human of a life as I could in 2020. I stopped channeling through my fingers, stopped journaling, stopped any kind of meditating, stopped paying attention to anything at all spiritual.
I was so mad. So hurt.
But as I calmed down, and my forehead stopped throbbing, I remembered that nothing actually happens ‘to’ us, only ‘for’ us. I admitted that this situation had probably been ‘for’ me in some way, annoying at it might be.
Perhaps I’d been relying on them too much and they’d been teaching me that I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet.
Except, there was one glaring flaw in that line of thinking.
My own discernment. Yes, I’d received guidance that said not to go to the doctor, but for two and a half years, my own inner compass had not overridden it. My gut had agreed. I had been standing on my own two feet, thank you very much.
So what was I missing?
A few months later, a simple comment by a writer friend cracked it all open for me. “Betrayal is the primary theme of most of your books,” my friend said.
I stared at her. Was it? I thought back through all the books I’d written and published – nineteen in all. Most of them either had a main character who had been molded by betrayal, or betrayal was at the heart of the dark moment of the story. I’d never thought of it that way, but my friend was right.
Betrayal resonated with me. Although I’d never really experienced it in this lifetime, the thought of it made me ache, and feel deeply for the characters going through that experience. It was clear that I was emotionally connected with it in some way.
Suddenly, my logical mind grabbed all the puzzle pieces, as it loves to do, and snapped them together. The lightbulb went on. The fog cleared.
And, finally, I understood what all this had been about.
Through various intuitive readings, dreams, and meditative journeys, I’ve learned enough about my past lives to know that this is not my first rodeo. Lifetime after lifetime I’ve attempted to teach universal truth, or to ‘do God’s work’ in one way or another, and have been silenced, often killed for it.
So many lifetimes I felt utterly forsaken.
So many lifetimes I felt betrayed by God.
I’d carried this river of unfathomable pain into this lifetime, hoping to finally release it. Since it was buried deep in my subconscious, reaching it would most likely require triggering it again. A tricky proposition since traumatizing me further could derail my entire life’s mission.
So my team in spirit and my higher self devised this scenario — the most gentle way possible for me to feel betrayed by God/Spirit in order to trigger that deeply buried pain. A scenario that threw me into the hands of a compassionate doctor, rather than an angry mob, and left me feeling cared for, rather than brutalized.
As this understanding poured through me, the feeling of betrayal vanished. My anger disappeared, and my world righted. My trust in my team and my own inner knowing were fully restored, because I had followed the energy correctly.
I’d followed the path of my highest good, even if hadn’t felt like it at the time. Even as it left me with a visible scar.
I tuned into my guides and angels and felt their love, and perhaps relief, that I finally understood how gently and lovingly they’d led me into this necessary triggering, this holy betrayal, and then held me through it, even when I told them to get lost.
I’ve come to believe, since then, that I can absolutely manifest things, though perhaps not in the grandiose way I might have been looking for back then. It’s more a matter of following the guidance to the right answer (or doctor or store) at the right time.
I also believe that, eventually, most humans will be capable of miraculous manifestations, perhaps even during our lifetime. But several factors must first come into play —the vibration of the Earth, the vibration of the individual, which requires a great clearing of the lower density thoughts and beliefs, and finally, the path and experiences that our souls came here for.
In my case, my soul desired the clearing of that deep trauma of betrayal. Human me wanted spontaneous healing in order to prove to myself that I really could manifest anything. But that wouldn’t have served me, not at all.
I still had so much to learn about how all of this works.