This adventure began with a guided meditation, as some of my favorite experiences in the imagination often do. Nothing like a prompt to get the creative juices flowing. This took place in the summer of 2024, almost a year ago, while I was still in my hibernation/chrysalis phase. Actually, I’d decided it was finally time to begin blogging, which is something I’d been thinking about doing for a number of years. I was serious this time. It was time to begin! But I was struggling. I couldn’t see the shape of the project clearly. I had no idea where to start. And the words weren’t there.
[I’ve learned, over the years, that when the time is right, it’s easy. This time it’s easy. At least, easier. In July 2024, it was not.]
In the meditation, I was told to go to a location that held my fears, and I saw a small lake, a pond really, surrounded by rocky outcroppings. There was no sun, though it wasn’t night. Just an intensely cloudy day. No birds, no vegetation of any kind. No life.
Just rocky hills rising all around me. And this dark, still pool.
It felt…desolate. And I felt so alone.
I asked Hawke if he’d join me. As always, he came immediately and stood at my side. (Hawke is one of the Ferals who often accompanies me on these adventures. Who are the Ferals?)
“Goddess?” he asked.
“This pond is calling me. It has a lot hidden, or at least something hidden, that I need to know about. Supposedly, it holds my fears.”
My warrior companion stiffened and he reached for his knife. “Is there danger here?”
“I don’t know. Not to my physical body, certainly.” After all, we’d met in the non-physical, and we both knew it. “But I don’t know.”
So I took a deep breath and walked closer to the water, thinking that perhaps my reflection might show me something. I was worried, tense. Feeling some real trepidation. Do any of us actually want to come face to face with our fears?
I peered into the still, dark water. At first, I couldn’t even see my own reflection. Then something stirred in the water. Or on the water, as if the water’s surface had become a viewing screen.
I thought I saw a woman, though I couldn’t be sure. I saw the ghostly image of long flowing hair blowing in a wind that I didn’t feel. But no face. Her face was completely obscured, like that part of the reflection remained dark.
“Will you show yourself to me?” I asked.
No. I heard the voice in my head.
“Why not?”
You’re not ready.
“To see you?”
No, to see you.
My reflection. She was my reflection, is that what she meant?
“Are you saying I’m not ready to see who I am?”
You’re not ready to know.
“Why not?”
The time isn’t right. You’re not quite there, though you’re close. When the time is right, you will know. And then you will not need this lake to show you who you are. You will know.
“I see. I think. Does this pond have other secrets for me?”
Yes. And other fears.
“Are you something I fear?”
I am. You fear me very much, though perhaps you don’t know it yet.
“I don’t, you’re right. What do I fear about you?”
That I’m you. That you’re me.
“And why do I fear that?”
Because you don’t think you’re ready to be me. You don’t think you’re enough. Worthy enough. You may think you do, but you don’t.
I wasn’t sure what to do with that. “So this pond is reflecting that fear to me. Do I have more fears in here?” That sounded miserable.
The pond has many things to show you, not just fears, if you have the courage to look. Simply ask it to show you something.
I looked at Hawke. “Do you see her?”
He nodded. “I heard her as well. In my head”
“Me, too. I guess I should see what else the pond wants to show me?”
He nodded and gave my shoulder a squeeze.
“Pond,” I said, “Will you please show me something else that I need to see or know?”
Together, Hawke and I waited. Watched. Finally, the surface shimmered as if a breeze blew across the surface of the water. And then I saw a scene, a horse and buggy, deep in shadow. I watched them plod along, and wondered what the pond was trying to show me.
And then I realized that it was showing me how I felt about my journey, that it was taking forever to get anywhere.
So I said out loud, hoping the woman was still around to hear me. “I think my fear is that this part of my journey, this waiting, healing, becoming, is never going to end. That I’m going to be forever plodding along, arriving nowhere.”
Look again, she said.
I looked at Hawke, feeling a bit deflated. “I thought I had it.”
“I think you did. But that’s not all the pond has to show you.”
“Oh.” I turned back to the pond and watched as the surface rippled again. Instead of the horse and buggy, I now saw planets in a night sky. Or against the dark backdrop of space. Multiple planets, fairly close, like I was seeing them from a spaceship.
“Cool!” I breathed. As a life-long Trekkie, I’ve always dreamed of traveling in space. Why would this appear as one of my fears?
But then it hit me, because in that moment, I felt like I was out there alone. Utterly alone. Had I been alone in the buggy, too?
I sighed. “I sense a theme here,” I said to Hawke. “I’m guess I’m feeling a bit isolated and alone.” Apparently, I’d received the pond’s message, because all of a sudden, the fog lifted and the sun came out.
“You’re not alone, Goddess,” Hawke said, sliding an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close. “This place is a reflection of your darkest thoughts, but it’s not a reflection of your reality.” Hawke said. “And this part of your journey is just a transition. It may feel like it’s taking forever, but it will end.”
“Do you think that was it? The last of my fears?”
He looked at me with compassion. “No. Your fears really are few, now. But the ones that remain are profound, and they need to be released. In order to be released, they need to be seen.”
I sighed. “I guess I’m going to have to come back, then.”
“Call me when you’re ready to return. Or after you get here, or any time. Call any of us. We’re always with you. Always. You’re never alone.”
“I know.” And I did. I do.
The Guided meditation meditation that precipitated this adventure was led by Colette Baron-Reid (https://www.colettebaronreid.com/). The same evening I had the experience above, I pulled one of the cards from her oracle card deck, Wisdom of the Oracle. The card I drew was Tick Tock in protection. The message:
“Have you been feeling as if the clock is ticking and gotten a little nervous that your dreams are taking too long to manifest? There is nothing to fear. You will never run out of time for the important things. The miracles that are yours and yours alone, can’t be missed. Isn’t that amazing? You’re in such capable hands, with guides and angels hovering in the invisible spaces, ensuring that your journey will be filled with all sorts of goodies! Let your anxiety be gently dispelled by your faith. Spirit will never deny you your highest good. All is yours in Divine, appropriate timing. You can relax.”